I started a twitter poll for the next 24 hours. It’s about what would be helpful for LGBT folks. Feel free to add anything in the comments you think would be helpful. This could be things I missed, or something that would be helpful as someone who is not LGBT. Go to @trans_gabe.
So I’m going to open a store in the next couple of years. It will mainly be an LGBTQ+ store, but will have products cis-het people can use as well. What would be helpful either as a cis person, or someone in the LGBT community to you? I want to tailor it to the customers to help bring everyone together in a safe place. I want to provide a safe environment for those in the LGBT community, but not exclude everyone else. Are there any products that would be helpful to you? Any feedback is greatly appreciated! Thank you!!
So I started an Instagram dedicated to my weight loss journey. I’m going to use it to track my weight loss as well as hopefully motivate others to do well. I’m going to post pictures of my meals some days. I think I might post scale pictures tracking my progress that way as well. I will post pictures throughout my journey showing how my body changes. One thing I’m really excited about is clothes pictures. I will post pictures of clothes I buy and hope to fit into one day. On the flip side of that, I will post pictures of clothes that once fit and don’t anymore due to me losing weight. I’m really excited about this. I will track things I will be able to do that I can’t currently do.
Today I weighed in at 297.6 lbs. My goal is to lose at least one pound per week for a little over two years. I am well aware that it may be shorter, or it may take a lot longer. I’m prepared to handle whatever is thrown my way. If not, I have the support of my therapist, family, weight loss buddy, and friends. I have all the support I need. I’m ready to do this thing for real. It’s going to happen. Never again will I be 297.8 pounds. From this day forward, I will be better than I am right now. I will be able to do so much more.
I hope everyone is having a great day/afternoon/night. Don’t forget to be nice to someone. You never know who is having a bad day.
So today has been kind of sucky. It started out well, and then got progressively worse as the day went on. I don’t know what to do. I kind of wish I didn’t exist. I don’t think I want to kill myself. I just…don’t want to be. Tonight I’m focusing on staying safe. I’m going to have a plan in place in case things get worse. I promise to stay safe.
So i haven’t posted in forever. Sorry. I went through a depressed spell and didn’t feel like doing anything. Anywho, I’m back! Feeling better and ready to share my life again. So last Monday was my two months on T. It went by so fast and I can’t believe it’s already here. Crazy! I’m not failing any of my classes anymore and am generally just in a really good place. I can’t wait for Christmas break! I have to go to school two more days…for one hour each. I’m exempt from midterms so I get to leave. We only have to come to school for an hour so the school can make money. Bullshit if you ask me, but whatever. I gained quite a bit of weight but I’m jumping back on. I’ve been trying to walk the dog at least once a day if not more. Just trying to get out and do some light exercise. So that’s a short update on my life. I hope everyone is having a great day/night. Don’t forget to be nice!!
So adding a post every day is not going to be possible for me. I’m just too busy, and I can’t always find the time to talk about how my day went and how I’m feeling. Plus, I think posting every day would annoy people. It would annoy me. Updates will be strictly once a month. If I feel like I can handle it, I might consider doing a weekly update on how my weight loss is going. I’m hesitant about doing too many updates. I don’t want to become obsessive about it. I became really obsessive my freshman year of high school and it was just bad. I was coming close to passing out at school events because I wasn’t eating. I don’t want to get back there again. I guess I’ll just see how I feel. I might try weekly updates for now. If I start to become obsessive, I’ll scale it back to a couple of times a month.
I will, however, do an update now since I’m already on. I am down to 279. I know it doesn’t mean much. I’m just losing water weight and I shouldn’t take it too seriously. I’m more interested in how my clothes fit and things I can do better. For example, I used to huff and puff going up a flight of stairs at my school. Today I walked up the steps at a fast pace and felt great. I was just slightly winded, but not to the point that I couldn’t hold a conversation. It probably sounds really early to see results, but that’s one thing I noticed. I’ve been getting on the elliptical for anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour and a half a day. I try to do this in sessions. I do a morning session and one to two afternoon/night sessions. Other than that, not much has happened. I will continue to track any changes I see. I am also going to take measurements so I can see how my body is changing. This will be especially helpful when I hit a plateau in my journey.
I hope everyone has a great night. Don’t forget to be nice to someone.
So today marks four weeks (one month) on T!! I’ve seen a few changes. My face has gotten quite a bit greasier and there’s some acne there too. It’s manageable though and I’m going to be proactive and nip it in the bud. Face washes are friends, not food. Just kidding. For real though, Clean and Clear has saved my butt. Some people might not like it, but it works for me and I’m going to continue doing what works for me. A friend also told me my voice sounded a bit deeper today. That made me super happy. I haven’t noticed a change, but people seem to think it’s getting deeper so that’s nice. As far as hair, I’m not really sure. I haven’t lost any head hair, and my legs were already kind of hairy to begin with.
One thing I’m really not happy about is how much I sweat. It’s insane! I was already someone who got hot easily before starting T, but now it’s all the freaking time! It also makes my workouts a bit gross, since I sweat at the smallest things. Hopefully losing some weight will help with this though. As far as smelling, I don’t generally smell bad. I will admit that post workout, I smell like a boy who hasn’t heard of deodorant. Once I take a shower though, I’m good for the rest of the day.
Finally, the last, and maybe the most concerning change of all: aggression. I’ve found myself to be really aggressive lately. Like all the time. I just want to fight everyone. It’s even worse when I’m driving and someone pisses me off. Right now, I’ve just been exercising when I get mad, or if I can’t exercise, I try to go somewhere by myself.
Other than that, life has been just peachy. I’m happy and having a good time most days. I got up and exercised this morning before going to school. I weighed in at 284.6 this morning. Not too excited about the number, but I’m ready to see it go down. I’m going to try to focus more on health goals, and not numerical goals. I’ll set numerical goals, but I won’t beat myself up about it. I’m more interested in becoming a healthier person and seeing how my body changes as I get closer to my goal.
Well that’s it for tonight. Everyone have a good one. Don’t forget to be nice to someone. It’s not hard, and could make someone’s day.
Goodnight.
Today marks the day I start a new chapter in my life. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while, but have procrastinated because I wasn’t ready to make the change. I have been overweight most of my life. However, in the past couple years I hit the obese range. Right now, it’s really bad and I’m at my heaviest weight of 280 pounds. I am one of the heaviest teenagers I know. I’m seventeen at almost 300 pounds. I have made a promise to myself to not allow the number on the scale to hit 300. I remember back when I used to starve myself because I was 180 pounds, but I have added 100 pounds to that and won’t starve myself again. The best solution to this problem is to make a lifestyle change and become a healthier person.
I know it won’t be easy. It will be hell the first couple of weeks and I will want to give up. The problem is this: I’m not an “unhealthy” person. My portions are just too big. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t always make the best food choices, and when I don’t the portions also tend to be off. However, overall I’m not too bad. Now this is only my opinion. Correct me if I’m wrong. I eat fruits and veggies and healthy snacks. I exercise when I can. I walk around at school, but I do sit in a desk for seven hours a day. I’m not a freshman and didn’t take advanced PE so I don’t get much in school exercise besides walking through the halls and climbing steps. Before, I was in marching band so I was walking around and conducting until almost six at night. This gave me some exercise. Now, I’m back in bowling after my knee surgery and will spend most of my time bowling. At work, I stand at a cash register and clean counters and bathrooms. I’m not very active, but I’m a little active, which is better than nothing. When I’m not bowling, working, or doing homework, I want to start walking on the elliptical.
The elliptical would be good for me because it’s not very hard on my knees. I was actually using an elliptical in physical therapy a few months after my surgery. It’s no stranger to me. I plan to do 30 minutes to an hour on the elliptical. Every day would be ideal, but it’s unrealistic until bowling is over. As I type this, I got distracted and started playing a game on my mom’s iPad.
Back to what I was saying. Diet is definitely my biggest downfall. However, exercise is right behind it. My family and I are going to start exercising together. We’re going to use the gym at my mom’s work a couple of times a week. Don’t worry. We got permission. I am also going to start working with my dog again on how to walk nicely on a leash. She was doing good until she started to become dog reactive. We have a trainer and hope she’ll be able to help us with that.
That being said, I have to follow up with a good diet. I’m going to cut all of the “bad” stuff out of my diet. This for me just means cutting out the unhealthy foods. I won’t cut them out entirely; I just won’t eat them often. Some foods I could live without. An example of this is candy. I’ve never been a candy kind of person. The only candy I like are Reese’s and Skittles. I only eat these around Halloween though, which has passed. Changing my diet could help a lot with my weight loss, and lack of it.
As I finish this post, I’m debating on posting it. I know it will be good because it will force me to hold myself accountable. It also brings it to reality for me that I’m actually doing this. I will succeed. I won’t let myself down again. If anyone is looking for a weight loss buddy, I could be your guy.
I plan on posting something every day. This will be to see where I’m at mentally and how I’m feeling. As far as updates, I think I’ll do weight loss updates with my testosterone updates. This would be an update once a month, encompassing all parts of my life I feel comfortable sharing. I won’t start the updates this week. I’ll do a T update tomorrow, and maybe a starting weight update as well. I apologize if I annoy anyone with the constant posting. I just want to document everything so I can look back on it one day and see where I came from. If documenting daily is bad, please talk to me and I will see if I can figure something else out.
Don’t forget to be nice to someone today. Smile, hug, laugh. Whatever you need to do to help someone out today. Have a great day.
So, tonight I sit here partially hating life. “Gabe, why do you hate life? You have so much.” Thanks for asking. That’s exactly the problem. I have so much. Sometimes I have too much. Like this thing called a period. I call him Tom (Time Of Month). This helps me with my masculinity some and my lack of it. Tom visits me once a month and is a nasty monster. He tells me and reminds me that I’m not a “real” guy. He makes me feel like a piece of shit who isn’t man enough. Yes, I know this sounds kind of crazy. I’m personifying my period. I only do this as a coping skill.
Periods for trans men are tricky things. Some men are aye okay with them. There are others who can’t live with it. Literally. And then there are people like me who have good days and bad days. Unfortunately for me, this is one of those bad days. I already have trouble when it comes to feeling like a man. It doesn’t help that people mistake me for a fourteen year-old boy. I will be eighteen in a month. Trying to be a man is hard. Being a boy comes naturally to me. However, I never had the lessons my older brother had about being a man. I was taught how to be a nice young lady. This only makes things more difficult for me because I don’t know if what I’m doing is right. I’m getting off topic.
I guess the point of this post was just to rant and let out my feelings. I’m still learning how to cope with periods and will continue to do so until testosterone changes that. Only time will tell. In the mean time, if anyone has any tips for dealing with periods that would be greatly appreciated. Kind words are also welcome.
Have a great rest of the day and remember to be nice to someone. They may need it.
I knew words could make a difference in someone’s life. What I didn’t know was how simple words could make a difference in my life. I was at school copying some papers for my teacher. Well when we started making copies, there were copies for another teacher coming out. My teacher asked if I knew where the other teacher was and if I could take the copies to her. I said it wasn’t a problem. The teacher I was taking the copies to happened to be one of my teachers from last year. When I walked in to the classroom, she smiled at me and started walking towards me. She was in the middle of speaking so she kind of made her way over to me slowly. When she got to me, she took the papers and said, “Thank you, sir.” I had to take a step back and force myself to say “you’re welcome.” It wasn’t because I didn’t mean it. It was because her saying those three words made my whole day.
For some people this may seem stupid. So what? They’re words. Nobody cares. But that’s not true. I care. This teacher was one of my teachers who took a little bit to adjust to different pronouns. That was okay. It took me time to adjust to people using different pronouns. She also occasionally slipped up. That was okay too. Everyone slips up. Even cis people get called the wrong pronouns sometimes. What made everything so much better was the fact that she didn’t hesitate or have to take a minute. It came out of her mouth like she had been saying it the whole time. Those are the moments that make transitioning so much better. When things are bad mentally, I can just think back to moments like those and remember why I’m going through all of this. To be the man I want to be and the man I want everyone else to see.
Don’t forget to be nice to someone today. You never know who is having a bad day and needs a friendly smile. Have a great night.
Gabe's Trans Life 